Have you ever took a step forward into a dark room, where you have never been before? slowly moving forward, shuffling your feet and slightly holding out your hand as to no hurt yourself? You can feel objects, they are familiar but you can't quite say why. The light from the doorway shows faint figures, you can almost make out what they are. Have you ever lived in that room? I have. For some time I have lived there. Not knowing what is what. Not being able to piece things together. When something starts to make sense the shadow takes it away. Change. Change has always been hard for me. It brings out my anxiety, my fear. The "what ifs". My life has taken a large change as of late. New scenery, new people, new train of thought. Facing things I have not. Grasping on to treasured friendships. Hoping that I can hold on to what I have left of the ties I have with people who mean the most to me, hoping that they grow again. Trying to regain power that I so eagerly gave away. Change has never been easy for me. For those of you who have stuck by my side, Mom, Dad, Siblings, Jason, Ashely, Michael, Devin, Jon, Jerika, I thank you. Thank you for listening to my crazy thoughts. For hearing my fears. For staying with me, though I put you in awkward situations, and tough positions. For being by my side when I scared you with my silence, for remaining there when I should have stopped talking but didn't. I thank you for letting me express and be. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for staying up with me when I felt alone. For running across town at moments notice. For giving so much; time, comfort, honesty, your ear to listen, your shoulder to cry on. But mostly thank you for the example you set the friendship we have, and the love you share. Thank you for helping me find me again.
Have you ever took a step forward into a dark room, and found what you where looking for? I have.
I'm assuming that Ashley mentioned is another one since there has been a growing distance in our friendship over the years. I hope you know that I do think of you often and will always consider you a dear friend. When are we going to get together for that lunch we promised each other? or dinner. or breakfast--whatever! I miss you dude.
ReplyDeleteIt is in the darkness that you find your own will, your own path, your own voice. The darkness only shadows what your eyes can see not what your heart knows. The darkness puts one in place to listen with all their senses. Darkness can be a gift for it hides prejudice that your senses will place before you and keeps you from exploring the reality of where you are and WHO you are.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for forging through that darkness, not ever giving in to the unfamiliar but seizing it and making it familiar.
I thank you for your stubbornness, your determination but more so for knowing when to surrender that stubbornness and triumphantly relinquishing all to the moment and pulling it close to you and treasure it, accept it, owning it.
I thank you for your great capacity to forgive. Those who know you stand in awe of your greatness and how quick your heart releases anger, hurt, pain and sorrow. It still takes time but you choose to quickly see past the moment and walk free of those failings that bring men to their knees. Worlds have colided and fallen never to be the same for the inability to forgive and go forward. You heal.
Thank you for daring to live, despite the darkness. Breathing is simple yet so hard when there is silence because that is all you can hear. The silence makes it easy to focus only on the rising and falling of your chest rather than the ease of the body as it breathes without question or doubt. Living, going forward, is as natural for you as breathing.
Thank you for sharing your passion, your vision, your hope. Thank you for never giving up, but learning when to 'get quiet and listen' and know when to step again into the darkness.
Thank you for remembering that even though there is the darkness there will be familiar there. Thank you for striving to discover that familiar. Thank you for using that familiar to strengthen yourself and sharing that strength with all of us.
Jaron, remember...The darkness always makes you shine.